Soup Number 5
If she wanted to be truly malicious, my Cagaynon tour guide might have told me what I was really eating, after I’d innocently done the deed.
But I doubt there’s a single nasty bone in Miss Em’s body. And so, with a knowing smile and the profound air of passing words that neither shock nor mortify, she said calmly to me, “Next, we’ll be eating cow testicles.”
The first thought that ran through my mind was, “My producer would never make me do that.” But Mr. Neri has a sneaky way of walking off set quietly and disappearing into the off side of the street while hosts are left to fend for themselves in a Battle of…well, in this case, The Bull’s Balls.
“Normally, in Restaurants, they call it Soup Number Five, but here in Cagayan de Oro, we call it, Remember Me, or RM,” Miss Em continued, as she handed me the steaming hot bowl of sliced and diced testicles.
They swam around in-between bits of cartilage and other such body remnants. I shuddered a bit at how they must have been unceremoniously chopped up on the board to be served up to hungry jeepney drivers as the day’s most anticipated meal.
A hesitant spoon of The Stuff went in my mouth, and then, it was pure pleasure.
Chewy. Tasty. Nice and Hot.
Afterwards, I walked off down the road, feeling very powerful indeed. Along the highway were signs every now and then: “Special RM Eatery”.
Something between a smirk and a smile crossed my face. Whereas before, I’d pass it up without a second thought, now I could claim to know just what it is they hope you don’t forget.
--By Nyx Martinez
