OF JOURNEYS AND JOGS
By Nyx Martinez
When the start of 2008 began, I looked at the new year, its proverbial white, virgin page still empty, and thought, “That’s a whole lot of blank space to fill up.”
Like you, I had no idea what the next 12 months would bring me. And probably like you, I rang in the countdown with a bunch of other happy party-people, fireworks and cocktails, completely unaware of the surprises that would be mine sooner or later.
And it was, sooner than I expected! Within a couple of months, I thought my journeying would take me back to Africa, and I planned for that. Well it didn’t; God had other plans in mind, and other places He wanted me to journey—specifically, further into the place I already was.
Yes, the last 7 months have been a journey back to my own heart, a little, dark space that sometimes whispers when I am patient enough to be quiet. It told me, through a series of personal adventures, that I knew so little about life and it wasn’t time yet to pick up and leave it.
It also told me that I knew so little about love, and where I had previously closed myself off to learning from wounds and a long-calloused heartache, that it was time to beat for others again.
You who know me from past years know that I grew up in a commune, and that sense of security, safety, and lots of love from extended brothers and sisters became sort of like a cocoon. When the Lord took me out of that intimate circle, the world spun a different kind of mess around me. I had to learn that it was through experience that all the spiritual theories I had been taught in that cocoon made any sense at all.
Now, I see, not with 20/20 vision, but a whole lot clearer, as the actual practice of life has woven the messy strands into some kind of tapestry. It’s not that I didn’t need the cocoon; no…that enclosure from which I struggled would teach me to fly. And yet, flying was only the first step of a different life. --The first of many more adventures. Before, everything was theory. Now, it’s really between me and my God to live by faith.
Yesterday, I read a very inspiring book called “Captivating”, written by a beautiful-at-heart author named Stasi Eldredge. When the last page of the book concluded its whole, I felt so warm, so alive, and so in love with God. (This was the main topic.) I felt ready to take on the world, ready to feel and do beautiful things.
It started to rain in the afternoon, and even then, I went for a jog in my neighborhood, wanting to discover more of life in full color. Tying on my running shoes, I smiled to myself, thinking how during my jog today, I would be on the lookout for those beautiful things.
But I had not run two blocks yet, when I nearly stepped on a rat.
A big, fat, ugly, grey, squished rat in the middle of the sidewalk!
Nearly catching my scared heart in my throat, I managed to sidestep it and continue running—though obviously quiet shaken. I was disgusted, disappointed, and angry with this dirty country. What was wrong with this place! Where were the beautiful, inspiring things I longed to find on my jog?
I was clearly disturbed, my zen thrown off balance. The rain fell harder, and I made a quick dash back home.
But on the way back, my heart corrected me.
“There are far more negative things you will in find life,” it said. “And you’re going to let an ugly rat get you down??”
It seemed to make sense. I live in the real world now. My cocoon that once enclosed and kept me sheltered was only meant to prepare me for later lessons. And the world was full of rats and ratty things! That was the everyday truth.
I would probably find beauty here and there, but not everywhere. And if I longed for inspiration, it would come. But not every day.
The encounter with the ugly rat told me that I couldn’t base my inspiration on what did or did not happen on my journeys through life. It told me that beautiful moments usually don’t “just happen”. It is we who must make the conscious choice to see things—and people—as beautiful.
No, I don’t think of the rat as beautiful, but I do remember that it was dead. --Much like most of my fears in life. They are dead, or have been for awhile, and it’s only when I focus on them so hard that they appear (an illusion) to come to life in such an ugly way and throw me off balance.
The lesson? Prepare for the journey as you would an adventure. But don’t think you’ll never run into the rats. They are there to make the beautiful things you will find even more lovely, even more grand.
This weekend, my suitcase will be packed for China, Hong Kong, and Vietnam. (Courtesy of Star Cruises, for a travel-writing project.) Places I have never been before, but am excited about. Maybe their streets are cleaner than ours. I certainly hope to find beautiful things and tell you the stories.
But whatever I discover there, I will be grateful. We don’t always choose our paths, but we can sometimes choose the shortcuts and detours. Then, when we get lost, we only have ourselves to blame!
May your journey be one that teaches you more about your heart, its pages where God longs to write a beautiful story…
And maybe, already has.
By Nyx Martinez
When the start of 2008 began, I looked at the new year, its proverbial white, virgin page still empty, and thought, “That’s a whole lot of blank space to fill up.”
Like you, I had no idea what the next 12 months would bring me. And probably like you, I rang in the countdown with a bunch of other happy party-people, fireworks and cocktails, completely unaware of the surprises that would be mine sooner or later.
And it was, sooner than I expected! Within a couple of months, I thought my journeying would take me back to Africa, and I planned for that. Well it didn’t; God had other plans in mind, and other places He wanted me to journey—specifically, further into the place I already was.
Yes, the last 7 months have been a journey back to my own heart, a little, dark space that sometimes whispers when I am patient enough to be quiet. It told me, through a series of personal adventures, that I knew so little about life and it wasn’t time yet to pick up and leave it.
It also told me that I knew so little about love, and where I had previously closed myself off to learning from wounds and a long-calloused heartache, that it was time to beat for others again.
You who know me from past years know that I grew up in a commune, and that sense of security, safety, and lots of love from extended brothers and sisters became sort of like a cocoon. When the Lord took me out of that intimate circle, the world spun a different kind of mess around me. I had to learn that it was through experience that all the spiritual theories I had been taught in that cocoon made any sense at all.
Now, I see, not with 20/20 vision, but a whole lot clearer, as the actual practice of life has woven the messy strands into some kind of tapestry. It’s not that I didn’t need the cocoon; no…that enclosure from which I struggled would teach me to fly. And yet, flying was only the first step of a different life. --The first of many more adventures. Before, everything was theory. Now, it’s really between me and my God to live by faith.
Yesterday, I read a very inspiring book called “Captivating”, written by a beautiful-at-heart author named Stasi Eldredge. When the last page of the book concluded its whole, I felt so warm, so alive, and so in love with God. (This was the main topic.) I felt ready to take on the world, ready to feel and do beautiful things.
It started to rain in the afternoon, and even then, I went for a jog in my neighborhood, wanting to discover more of life in full color. Tying on my running shoes, I smiled to myself, thinking how during my jog today, I would be on the lookout for those beautiful things.
But I had not run two blocks yet, when I nearly stepped on a rat.
A big, fat, ugly, grey, squished rat in the middle of the sidewalk!
Nearly catching my scared heart in my throat, I managed to sidestep it and continue running—though obviously quiet shaken. I was disgusted, disappointed, and angry with this dirty country. What was wrong with this place! Where were the beautiful, inspiring things I longed to find on my jog?
I was clearly disturbed, my zen thrown off balance. The rain fell harder, and I made a quick dash back home.
But on the way back, my heart corrected me.
“There are far more negative things you will in find life,” it said. “And you’re going to let an ugly rat get you down??”
It seemed to make sense. I live in the real world now. My cocoon that once enclosed and kept me sheltered was only meant to prepare me for later lessons. And the world was full of rats and ratty things! That was the everyday truth.
I would probably find beauty here and there, but not everywhere. And if I longed for inspiration, it would come. But not every day.
The encounter with the ugly rat told me that I couldn’t base my inspiration on what did or did not happen on my journeys through life. It told me that beautiful moments usually don’t “just happen”. It is we who must make the conscious choice to see things—and people—as beautiful.
No, I don’t think of the rat as beautiful, but I do remember that it was dead. --Much like most of my fears in life. They are dead, or have been for awhile, and it’s only when I focus on them so hard that they appear (an illusion) to come to life in such an ugly way and throw me off balance.
The lesson? Prepare for the journey as you would an adventure. But don’t think you’ll never run into the rats. They are there to make the beautiful things you will find even more lovely, even more grand.
This weekend, my suitcase will be packed for China, Hong Kong, and Vietnam. (Courtesy of Star Cruises, for a travel-writing project.) Places I have never been before, but am excited about. Maybe their streets are cleaner than ours. I certainly hope to find beautiful things and tell you the stories.
But whatever I discover there, I will be grateful. We don’t always choose our paths, but we can sometimes choose the shortcuts and detours. Then, when we get lost, we only have ourselves to blame!
May your journey be one that teaches you more about your heart, its pages where God longs to write a beautiful story…
And maybe, already has.
